Only a Gen S Kid...

Sent today by a student...

Thank you very much. I have no technical abilities so this online course is hard for me to navigate.

Sent from my iPod


OH the irony!

Legends of the Fall

Welcome to a new school year.  As the fall begins and the course-load grows, have no fear Mrs E is once again here to brighten your online teaching and learning perspective.

How to get your students on Day 1:
A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to an online Christian school. After the first day of school, their son quickly closes his laptop, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the songets report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"
The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I logged into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign on the homepage next to the teacher's pic and I knew they meant business."

Keep em working:
Child logs out from his first day of online class.
Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
Child replies, "Not enough. I have to login again tomorrow." 

Make sure they know their tech skills:
Teacher: How do you spell "dog"?
Pupil: d, o, g, enter.

Reach out to your struggling readers:

Make sure they have a great internet connection:  

Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, that's why I always use my mifi card and study outside, otherwise I might not discover anything."

Give them transcripts with the videos:
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: The video said it’s H to O.

Curb Cheating:
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his from last semester?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog

Stay accessible:
After a long IM session trying to explain a challenging topic the teacher types,"do you follow?"
Student types back, "NO! old people talking to kids on twitter are gross!"





 

The rolling sands of time

Today a student pointed out no less than five broken links in a single area of my school.

I diligently investigated and determined that they worked for me, yes, BUT they were not working when I was logged in as her.  Confused, as this is a rolling enrollment course I reached out to a former student to ask if she had had any problems.  She had not.

I was baffled, having changed nothing.  What was different about this student?  why HER?

Then suddenly it hit me.  Her rolling enrollment is not set to start until July 1.  She was trapped in time between a time when her login works and a time where the course is operational, and I was so deep in the weeds with my current course load that I had failed to connect the name with a student who was not yet fully enrolled.

It felt like an episode of the Science Channel series "Through the Wormhole."  I am still waiting for a Morgan Freeman voice-over to tell me that what is really wrong is my perception of the student is not as the student actually is, and some physicist will explain that we are all just grains of sand existing in mutually co-existant multi-verses or something like that.

Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman

This rolling enrollment model might yet roll me into a fetal position from which I can never return.

Disembodied Voice

I called a student today to assist because my emails and IM's were not seeming to get through and I was getting no responses.

Student-Why are you all jumping on me?
Me- all who?
Student-well there is the lady on the emails, the man who keeps IMing me, and now you.
Me-Those were all from me
Student-well would you tell them to stop bothering me so you and I can just talk about it and I'll get to it?
Me-ok so phone works best for you.  so how can I help you get started now that we are on the phone.
Student-like I said just get the other two teachers off my back and I will do fine.



????????

Real?

Dear students,

I am real.  I am here. I want to teach you and I am glad you are here!

I have recently been struck by the perception of my students that I am somehow not real.  They do things like apologize for calling or emailing.  Do students in brick and mortar classes apologize for raising their hands?

They also seem surprised when they learn I have kids, pets, and hobbies.  I know brick and mortar schools can create the same surprise when a kid sees their teacher out to dinner, but not so surprised that they actually doubt what they just saw.  And yet a student this week posted to a discussion "you actually grocery shop?"  ( we were talking about consumer messages about product safety)  Um...how did they think I got food and toilet paper?  mail order?  online shopping and delivery?


So kids, yes I am real.  I am here and I want to teach you!

Turns out my students are not alone.  Innosight Institute recently blogged about this unreal teacher feeling are-online-learning-teachers-real-teachers?

So in a world where some of my students most real friendships are carried out online via social networking how can I improve my reality perception?  I think therefore I am???? But computers have logic ...are they?
So I reached out to friends (well discussion boards friends) on the subject and they had the following thoughts on the subject:

-You are right that in order to think a thinker must exist (anything that "does" or manifests is proof the thing exists). However, often this debate is about whether thinking itself is what defines existence, and that is definitely not true because if it were, then one would cease to exist if one stopped thinking. It is quite possible to learn to stop thinking, and when one does one becomes more aware of one's existence, not less aware. In terms of existence, all thinking makes one aware of is the existence of thinking.

-I exist, the rest of you are just computer simulations created for my amusement. Prove me wrong.

-I think therefore I am" is wrong, it should be… “I believe therefore I am”...

-If I run up to you on the street and (in a fit of rage) I bite off your little finger, how much more real is it if you think I bit off your finger vs. you believe I bit off your finger?

-"If I run up to you on the street and (in a fit of rage) I bite off your little finger... "Is this something we should be worried about? How often does this impulse come over you?

Seeing that as unproductive I am left wondering does it matter if I am real? 

And I have concluded that what matters is if the learning is real.  I happen to believe that I have a direct impact on student success and perseverance in learning subject matter.  So, if I am unreal and effective then I am OK with that.

They use me to accomplish real learning therefore I am content with my own dubious existence really  I am....

Racing my students

“Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action.”~Brendan Francis Behan


The race is on, the new term is afoot, and I am once again in third place.  Student A is on chapter 3 and student B is still not taking my calls.  Online has the capacity to excite, but excitement lasts about as long as a google rating for a page without content changes.  Constantly we E folk must provide new, more, different stimuli, or we lose our student quarry and must hunt them again.





Other people have a different approach, more of a correspondence course attitude-work is the student's responsibility.  I guess I'm just a spoonful of sugar kinda gal.   That said, my racing shoes are all laced up, and I am running and running.   

Gee I wish I had a magic umbrella.

 

Something they never told me in Teacher College

Someday you will want to go to the bathroom and you will be in a class, and you will have to hold it.

One of the great benefits of being an E teacher I have discovered is bathroom usage. This may seem like a silly benefit and if you work in the corporate world you have probably never been in this position:

So there I was, in the middle of a freshman level class with a lab experiment, when the school lunch started to work its magic on my tender insides. The bell was five minutes off. There were 23 bouncy trouncy 9th graders in various stages of creating hydrogen gas and then testing it for its explosivity in a test tube ( makes a cool pop if you've never done this lab). Clearly flame, explosions and freshmen is not the time to leave a class unattended even in an emergency.

Four minutes left-The nearest occupied classroom was 30 yards away because the teachers on either side were at lunch. There was no hope of rescue. I stood near the door so that if a passing teacher could have been flagged down I had hope, but no one came. I began to sweat.

Three minutes left-I contemplated my choices. I had none. I had to stick it through. I started reminding kids to clean up. Some were still testing, and I was getting testy.

Two minutes-I can make it. They are finishing...Its gonna be ok.

One minute-Oh thank god I was near the door because the most embarrassing smell just flew from my rear, and there was no hiding it. Hopefully no one inside the room noted it. Never again would Tuesday taco day be the same.

Bell- I was dodging and weaving pulling jukes a pro football player would be proud to call their own. I had made it. Relief was nearly well...orgasmic.

So here I am now 15 years later, recalling this moment when being in a face-2-face classroom became so vitally inconvenient and relishing that now as an online teacher I never face this again. My access unfettered, my instruction unhindered...

...at last I am free to hit the mute button whilst I flush.