Something they never told me in Teacher College

Someday you will want to go to the bathroom and you will be in a class, and you will have to hold it.

One of the great benefits of being an E teacher I have discovered is bathroom usage. This may seem like a silly benefit and if you work in the corporate world you have probably never been in this position:

So there I was, in the middle of a freshman level class with a lab experiment, when the school lunch started to work its magic on my tender insides. The bell was five minutes off. There were 23 bouncy trouncy 9th graders in various stages of creating hydrogen gas and then testing it for its explosivity in a test tube ( makes a cool pop if you've never done this lab). Clearly flame, explosions and freshmen is not the time to leave a class unattended even in an emergency.

Four minutes left-The nearest occupied classroom was 30 yards away because the teachers on either side were at lunch. There was no hope of rescue. I stood near the door so that if a passing teacher could have been flagged down I had hope, but no one came. I began to sweat.

Three minutes left-I contemplated my choices. I had none. I had to stick it through. I started reminding kids to clean up. Some were still testing, and I was getting testy.

Two minutes-I can make it. They are finishing...Its gonna be ok.

One minute-Oh thank god I was near the door because the most embarrassing smell just flew from my rear, and there was no hiding it. Hopefully no one inside the room noted it. Never again would Tuesday taco day be the same.

Bell- I was dodging and weaving pulling jukes a pro football player would be proud to call their own. I had made it. Relief was nearly well...orgasmic.

So here I am now 15 years later, recalling this moment when being in a face-2-face classroom became so vitally inconvenient and relishing that now as an online teacher I never face this again. My access unfettered, my instruction unhindered...

...at last I am free to hit the mute button whilst I flush.